While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.
A girl standing next to him eyed [...]

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?

A: Melt them into a tire and call it a good year.

I used to live with five straight guys and -- ew, the cleaning schedule was 'nope.'

A police officer pulled over a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign. “May I see your driver’s license and registration please?”
“What’s the problem, officer?”
“You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection.”
“Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me”.
“Nevertheless sir, you are required to come [...]

One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense.

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy’s dick don’t grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don’t use the penis as if it’s a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty,and should be worshiped and [...]

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can’t decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they lay [...]

Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can't remember where she lives. She's like, 'That's not it, that's not it, that's not it.'

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The [...]

I've been freakishly skinny my entire life because there's a hole in my butt.